Daniel's Not So Excellent Adventures
by CatsbytheGreat
Summary: Daniel finds himself in a dark castle without any memory except for his name. There's only a note, telling him to find and kill Alexander. Or, the story in which Daniel of Mayfair hates his past self and befriends a cockroach.


Also on my AO3 account, which you can find here: /users/TheGreatCatsby/works

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1.

My name is Daniel…um…of Mayfair. Yeah. Yeah. That should be enough to get me through. Oh look, a note! How lovely! It's from…myself. It's asking me to…kill Alexander. What? Who's Alexander? How did I get into a castle anyway? Are there castles in Mayfair? What was that noise? What's the pink stuff on the floor?

It's dark in here. Oh my. Well, I best find this Alexander bloke. Hopefully I can leave by nightfall. I don't think this place would be very pleasant in the dark.

2.

Found lantern. Also found oil and tinderboxes. Whoever put them around is very kind; this is so convenient. Haven't seen anyone but heard some strange voices. I guess it's time to continue on to the Inner Sanctum. Maybe they have food there—I'm starving.

3.

Other Me was serious about this Amnesia potion. I can't remember anything! It's a good thing there are notes conveniently scattered around all over the place for me to pick up, along with keys. This castle is hard to navigate. I mean, rooms are locked and things have to be done to things in order to get to more things and it's just so exhausting and it's constantly dark and I think there's a cockroach following me.

4.

I've named the cockroach Daniel's Sanity because, well, he (she?) pops up whenever I'm feeling particularly off. Don't know if he's even real. I'm afraid to find out.

I've never been good at naming things.

5.

There are…things. In. The. Castle. They growl. I am not happy.

6.

I'm leaving. Oh wait I can't get out. Thanks Past Daniel. This is ridiculous, I'm going to kill old me when I see him because I can't be skulking around these shadowy areas filled with monsters and dead bodies. It isn't good for my health. And I'm sure the murder at the end of all this won't help at all.

I've taken self-hatred to a new level. I hope you're happy, Past Daniel.

7.

Part of me is really, really afraid to go into the Archive Tunnels. I think I'm forgetting something.

8.

OH GOD THERE WAS WATER AND THERE WAS A MONSTER IN THE WATER. A MONSTER. IN. THE WATER. THAT IS-WHAT IS THAT? IT CHASED ME. SANITY LOW CAN'T EVEN TALK KLAJSD;FALSDFJ

9.

Okay. Okay. Deep breaths. It's fine. I'm fine. I'm wet. But fine. Oh god I think Daniel's Sanity isn't real. He's here. In the darkness. Crawling around with his little friends. Cockroaches can't survive water, can they?

I think I did a bad thing.

10.

I hear voices in my head and _some of them are not mine._ If this is Alexander's attempt at a prank I do NOT find it funny.

The growling is particularly bothersome, but also the screaming. I could do without the screaming.

11.

There. Were. Monsters. And they had…deformities. The fire came on by itself. I did things. Oh god, is that more darkness? Okay, we can do this. It's me and you, Daniel's Sanity. Is this a prison? We can do this. Just don't turn on the light and we'll be fine. Why are the walls moving? WHY ARE THE WALLS MOVING? Light…I need light…okay, ah. That's better. That's heavenly. Yes, light, come to me, fill me with your warmth. Oh yes, everything isn't throbbing anymore. As it should be. Wait—was that a growl. Oh no. Nononononono. Turn off the light. What do I do? I can't move. I can't move!

I wish walls wouldn't throb and crawl in the darkness. Is that too much to ask for?

12.

NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT THE OTHER MONSTERS THAT WERE EXTREMELY FAST WITH DEFORMED HEADS AND BLADES FOR HANDS. NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT THOSE. AND HOW THEY WERE HIDDEN IN THE CHOIR ROOM IN THE FOG. WHY IS THERE FOG INSIDE THE CASTLE ANYWAY? NO ONE AKLJDFLAKJDFJ

13.

Alexander definitely talking to me now. He's saying stuff about me torturing people and killing them. Something about painting a body and cutting the lines. That does not sound like fun. Certainly not something I would do. Maybe. I don't actually remember what I was like before. Past Daniel seems like someone I wouldn't like though. I mean, he's asking me to murder someone. But Alexander doesn't seem too kind either. Oh, the moral dilemma is killing me. Possibly literally.

Daniel's Sanity is here again,. I think he thinks it isn't true, about me killing and torturing people, otherwise he would have run away. I think Alexander wants me to leave or something.

Suspicious.

I wonder if he knows I'm trying to kill him.

14.

Got attacked by some monsters and taken to a cell. Alexander told me that the shadow would eat me. Escaped instead. I really showed him! 1-Daniel, 0-Alexander!

I should probably be concerned about the voices in my head. They're getting more persistent.

15.

Water is the devil.

Also found a half-dead man named Agrippa who insisted he would stay alive if I cut off his head—and he did! Technology has really gone beyond me these days. I'll have to ask him how he does that, I think England could really use that sort of medicine. Now I'm sort of carrying around his head and talking to it. Concerning? Yes. It's probably not a good indication of my mental health that I'm comforted by the talking disembodied head right now.

Daniel's Sanity has disappeared. I don't think he likes having Agrippa around. I think he likes my pain and suffering.

16.

Alexander really likes glowing orbs. There are so many orbs. And a bottomless pit. I did manage to open the passageway to get to him, though. Monsters weren't particularly happy about that. I don't care. I just need a shower and a hot meal and some sunlight, please and thank you.

A plus would be recognition as the most amazing archaeologist that ever lived but one can't have everything.

17.

Alexander is an alien. This is somehow the least surprising out of everything. He was opening a portal and I stopped him by knocking down a bunch of pillars—you'd think it would be harder to disrupt the portal. But Alexander isn't a very smart man/alien. Anyway, he got all upset and the shadow ate him but let me go. So now it's just me and Agrippa's Head. Except Agrippa's soul left the head so now I'm just walking around outside the castle with a dead man's head.

But it's sunny outside. That's nice. I think I'll head back to Mayfair and never speak of this again. And have tea. I haven't had a nice cup of tea in ages. Maybe I'll take up botany. I think I need an early retirement from archaeology. Too many murders.

At least I am alive. And that's really all one can hope for in such a situation.


End file.
